Student Comments

Student Excuses: 
#1: Student: My pencil's broken and I can't fix it. (#2 not mechanical)
Me: Why don't you just sharpen it?
Student: Well...I don't know how.
#2: I left my binder on the kitchen table and the cat drug it off and hid it and now I can't find it.
#3: My little sister scribbled all over it and then flushed it down the toilet.
#4: Me: Where's my library book?
Student: I was climbing over a fence and it fell out of my backpack into a mud puddle and I didn't want to pick it up cause it was all dirty.
#5: My mom said I didn't have to do it.
#6: Student: Ms. Labrie! I have to get my lunch from my locker.
Me: Why?
Student: I didn't eat it at lunch and I need to eat it now.
Me: No.
Student: But, MS. LABRIE! My stomach hurts and I'm going to pee my pants and I forgot my assignment. Can I please go?
Me: No.

Actual Notes
"In order for my son to truly be at school yesterday, he had to be absent from school." 
(Same parent- different day)
"I don't know if my presence in the classroom will allow me to see how my son truly acts. In order for me to observe his real behavior, I shall sit in the back of class with a paper bag over my head with holes cut out for my eyes and mouth, so I may see and breathe. Then, once he starts to act out, I shall whisk the bag off my head and cry, 'Ha ha!' and he shall know that I know."

You make kids sore! (I think the child was trying to be nice. It had a drawing of a butterfly on it...)

"_________ is bein very disrpuetiv. Please take her for the rest of the day to your class. labrie"
Apparently this was what one student thought would work as a way to skip my class. You'd think that the student would at least capitalize my name, sheesh.

Testing
No, that ain't my score! That computer be tellin' stories!

Student: This is confusing.
Me: Well, this test is to see what reading level you understand, so it's OK to not understand the passage.
Student: No, I understand the passage, I just don't get it.
Me: (pause) OK. The question is asking you to find the word that best fills in the blank, so just choose the word that makes the most sense.
Student: Yeah, I get all that, but I don't understand it. (gestures at the whole test)
Me: (pause) Umm...
Student: Maybe there's a mistake in the test.

Excerpts from essays
I am thankful for my arms, legs, body and head because if I lost one of my body parts I would probably die or be made fun of.

When my Mom was younger she used to sneak my dad into her room. He would crawl in and out of the window. Then they had me.

I would be a great assignment collector because I'm going to be quiet and quick. Also, I'm creative and could create a route or I could change up the way I collect the assignments. I know I'm talkative but I will change my ways like Micheal Jackson said in the "Man in the Mirror" song.

Totally Real Conversations
#1: Me: We are going to write two vocabulary sentences now- so choose two vocab words to use. ONE vocab word per sentence! The sentences must make sense and you must use the vocab word correctly. Also, these sentences will be used to make the quiz this Thursday, so if your sentence rocks, it might be on the quiz!
(Pretty clear right? Apparently not. Two seconds later...) 
Student: So, what are we doing?
Me: (Stare of disbelief) We are creating sentences using the vocab words.
Student: What vocab words?
Me: The words for Unit two. We've had two quizzes on them. They're on the word wall. They are in your binder.
Student: We have to make sentences for ALL of them?!?!?!
Me: Nooo...TWO sentences. TWO vocab words. That's it.
Student: Which words do you want me to use?
Me: That's up to you. You choose.
Student: But I don't know what to say!
Me: (SIGH) I cannot do this for you.
Student: I can't see the word wall.
Me: Where's your binder? The words should be on your vocab sheet.
Student: I left it at home.
Me: OK...(said with great emphasis) use the words empathy and friendship.
Student: What does empathy mean?
Me: You've got to be kidding me! We've been working on these words for weeks now!
Student: That's not what it means.
Me: (Hand to face...deep breathing)
Student: Fine. How about this? Friendship is good.
Me: That's it? That's your sentence?
Student: It used the vocab word and it's used correctly!
Me: But if I were to take out friendship it's not clear that friendship is the only word that fits.
Student: MAN! This is HARD!
Me: You're telling me.

#2: Me: Are you aware that de-pantsing someone is seriously wrong?
Student: Well, now I am.
Me: Because you got caught.
Student: Yes. And because you seem upset.
Me: Only because of my reaction? You didn't feel that this was wrong at least one of the SEVERAL times you de-pantsed him?
Student: I didn't do it several times.
Me: You didn't?
Student: No, just three times.

#3: Me: The main character of this book has had to decide what career he wants to follow at a young age. What career would you choose to follow if you had to decide right now?
Student #1: I would be a ga-million-jillion-trillionaire.
Student #2: OK, but what would you do?
Student #1: Um, that list is too long to waste class time with. Please call on the next student Ms. Labrie.

#4: Me: If you keep spinning, you're going to get dizzy and if you fall over and hurt yourself it's your fault.
Student: Oh no, it's OK, as long as I keep concentrating on reading this book I won't get dizzy. (as student is walking in very tight circles reading Goosebumps)
Me: OK...
(five second later) CRASH!
Student: Oh...you were right..

Reading Rapunzel- filling out plot chart
Me: We know that herbs are plants that grow in a garden that can be used to flavor food. Who can give me a specific example of a herb?
(These are ALL real examples given. No joke)
5. three leaf clovers
4. aloe-vera
3. gum
2. breath mints
(and my personal favorite)
1. pizza
 And in response to thyme- Thyme can't be a plant. It's on a clock, you know, like the one on the wall. It's not a plant. I mean, come on.

Students as Comedians
Me: Does anyone have an example of a palindrome?
Student: Mom?
Me: Yes, excellent.
Student: Race-car.
Me: Great!
Student: Poop!
Me: Yes...um...yes.

Me: Does anyone know what a palindrome is?
Student: Is it when Sarah Palin drove around in Rome?

Me: Find your seats everybody- let's go! Yes _________?
Student: I found my seat. (pat, pat)

Me: Is _______ here today? No? What about ______?
Totally different student: I'm here, Ms. Labrie. Just wanted you to know.

Me: I want you all to make a prediction based on this example: Jill studied for her test last night. What do you think will happen on the test today?
Student: I predict that she will get a prize.
Student #2: Since when do you get prizes for tests? No, she's gonna succeed at life and become a doctor.
Student #3: I think her parents will give her money.
Student #4: We have a test today?

Context- I was sick and sounded like a frog. Here's a sampling of their reactions:
Student #4- Are you going through puberty too?
Student #3- Everybody! Get quiet! I can hardly hear Ms. Labrie. I think this is some kind of test or something.
Student #2- Allergies, huh? Mine get pretty bad too.
Student #1- Who are you and what have you done with Ms. Labrie?!?!

Me: Use a really unique descriptive word to tell me about your weekend.
Student: My weekend was...curl.
Me: ...Curl? Do you mean cool?
Student: No, cuurrl.
Me: Cruel?
Student: No! Curl. It was curl.
Me: What does that mean?
Student: I don't know. Something good?

Me: Raise your hand if you know what the purpose of this reading passage is. Why are we reading it?
Student: Because you told us to?

Me: We've met this character before. She is the butcher's wife, and we can tell by what she is saying that she is not a nice person. What did she do in the chapter we met her before?
Student: She became an astronaut!
Me: No. This is 110 years ago in Texas. She was not an astronaut.
Student: She discovered the moon!
Me: Just stop.

Student: Ms. Labrie, do you want to hear a math joke?
Me: Sure, honey. Go ahead.
Student: Why was 7 afraid of, I mean, why was 8 afraid of...um...
Me: Do you mean, 'Why was 6 afraid of 7?'
Student: No...why was 5 afraid of 9?
Me: Umm...I really don't know.
Student: Because...because...oh, do you want to hear a knock, knock joke?

Principal: Why do think I never get sick?
Student (whispering): Cause you're a ninja.

Me: Let's practice the 'not' prefixes. Who can tell me the meaning of 'illegible'?
Student #1: Sloppy writing!
Me: Yup. What about 'discontent'?
Student #2: Can't you ask us what easier words mean, like 'go'?

Interactions with bugs
Student #1- Ms. Labrie, there's a cockroach in that box.
Me: What, no...oooeeeiiiaaahhh!...
Student #2- You want me to take care of it Ms. Labrie?
Me: Yes. Yes, please. Take it outside, OK?
Student #2 then bravely takes the box out of the classroom and into the hallway...and then dumps the cockroach in right in the middle of the hallway. We then had to catch it. Again.

Class Clown: Ms. Labrie! There are bugs in here and they're biting me! All over! (swat to the face, swat to the arm)
Me: No there isn't- it's just in your head. There aren't any bugs in here.
(SCREAM from two girls in the front of the room as a TINY black bug crawls across their desk.
Me: OK, so there's one bug in the room.