January 15, 2012

A Class Conversation

I think they just ran out of room.
Me: Alright everybody! Let's write today's date- the first day of school in 2012!
Student #1: We're all going to DIE!!!
Student#2: I thought we were all supposed to die on New Year's eve.
Student #3: No, that was Y2K. Something to do with computers exploding and the Terminator.
Student #1: We're all going to DIE!!!
Student #4: Well I heard that there's going to be a world-wide earthquake this year. I mean, St. Louis is supposed to get an earthquake soon. I heard it on the news.
Me: It's not possible to have a world-wide earthquake...(explanation of my basic knowledge of tectonic plates).
Student #5: OK, but I watched a show where they said the Mayans made a calendar and the guy who wrote it dropped something in the water and it changed colors and the planets were lined up and he saw them and then he died.
Me: What?
Student #1: We're all going to DIE!!!
Me: Not you.
Student #5: The planets are all going to get in a straight line, like twelve of them and that means that...
Student #1: We're all going to DIE!!!
Me: OK, enough.
Student #6: But I heard there's going to be an eclipse!
Student #2: Wait, isn't that in Twilight?
Me: (explanation of eclipses using the overhead as the sun, a cup as the moon and my handy-dandy globe)
Student #7: Forget about eclipses: there's a planet hiding behind the sun and we're going to hit it.
Me: What do we go around every year?
Student #7: The sun.
Me: Have we run into an evil planet hiding behind it?
Student #7: No...
Me: And we never will.
Student #8: What about a meteor? Or a comet? Or an asteroid? They wiped out the dinosaurs!!
Me: Yes, we have been hit by something...65 million years ago, and the odds of our teeny-tiny little planet being hit by something in all of that SPACE are even smaller. Besides, we have astronomers looking up there all the time, and unlike some Hollywood movie, they would notice it before it got here.
Student #2: We've been hit by a comet before?!?!
Student #1: We're all GOING TO DIE!!!
Me: (sigh)
Student #9: They say that our planet has been destroyed four times and that this is the fifth earth.
Me: ... Who is 'they'?
Student #9: I don't know, it was on a show I was watching. They also said that the end of the Mayan calendar means that the end of this earth has come and only the true believers will survive.
Me: Oh, we are so done.

And you thought this end-of-the-world-prediction couldn't get any sillier. 

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